With all the commotion about Rihanna and Chris Brown, it made me stop and think about all the people that could be in that exact situation. Take it from someone who has “been there and done that” and only wished I had this sort of checklist many years ago. If this helps just one person by opening their eyes and/or alerting them to be safe and look out for number one and to recognize some of the signs and warnings, then one of my missions has been accomplished!
Red Flag Behaviors
Apologize all the time?
Willingly accept the blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship?
Walk on As far as situational awareness, don’t be afraid to be a bitch and tell a man NO. Who cares what a perfect stranger thinks of you, your safety is more important. Also, never leave or allow yourself to be abducted, even at gun point… it is very hard to get shot with a pistol, especially if you can knock it away just a quarter of an inch. And if you do get shot, at least you can get help…if you leave; well that scene is usually where they find the body.
Do you walk on egg shells, watching every word you say?
Rehearse what you will say to your partner to avoid triggering a reaction?
Cry more than you used to?
Repress your feelings, especially your anger?
Constantly try to figure out how to get your partners approval?
Give up interest, activities, and people that were once important to you?
Hold yourself back in your educational or vocational advancement?
Constantly excuse your partner’s behavior to yourself or others?
Does Your Partner:
Act jealous or possessive toward you?
Isolate you from your family or friends?
Check up on you?
Display a quick temper or extreme mood swings?
Become hypersensitive to criticism or perceived criticism?
Refuse to discuss, negotiate, and compromise?
Believe in stereotyped sex roles?
Always have to be in control?
Have unrealistic expectations of you or the relationship?
Get too serious too fast?
Refuse to accept breaking up?
Abuse drugs, alcohol, or other mood-altering substances?
Pressure you to use/abuse alcohol or drugs?
Show little respect for the opposite sex?
Pressure you for sex?
Mistreat animals or children?
Have a history of bad relationships?
Scare or threaten you or others?
Have a history of fighting?
Own or use weapons or display them to back up threats?
Break or strike objects?
Become violent with you or others?
The statistics show that if you answered yes to 4 in any combination of these questions, then you partner WILL hit you. And even more terrifying; if you have been hit or beat 4 or 5 times by your partner in the past, he WILL kill you. Typically your friends and family will ask, “Why do women stay in those relationships?” when we should be asking, “Why is he hitting her?”
Check out this interesting fact! One reason Michael Vick is in jail, besides the obvious dog fighting charges, was mainly due to people protesting, marching, writing letters and emails and making a stand on what they believe in, to the designated authorities and voicing their opinions regarding this situation. I ask, “Since when did women’s lives sit below dogs on the worth scale?”
In the past they have told us to scream “fire” instead of help when we are being attacked? Well, now they say to scream, “he’s a stranger, I don’t know him!” and you MIGHT get better luck with being helped. The attitude is now, “not my car on fire, just some woman getting her ass beat.” How tragic and due to this you have to do something out of the ordinary to catch someone’s attention!
I could go on about the cases that have been investigated and true stories of men CONVICTED of killing unborn babies, who are now walking the streets. That crime holds a Life or Death sentence, why the HELL is he walking the streets? Is it because no one protested?
As far as situational awareness, don’t be afraid to be a bitch and tell a man NO. Who cares what a perfect stranger thinks of you, your safety is more important. Also, never leave or allow yourself to be abducted, even at gun point… it is very hard to get shot with a pistol, especially if you can knock it away just a quarter of an inch. And if you do get shot, at least you can get help…if you leave with the attacker, well very sadly that scene is usually where they find the body. My hope and wish for you is to research your options on getting out safe and alive!
Are you a woman in trouble and in need of help? What are some of the behaviors by your significant other that are puzzling you, concerning you, and keeping you up at night? Please feel free to share as we will keep all responses confidential if you so choose to. Due to me being in a situation exactly like this in the past, I may be able to assist you in some way. If you just need to get things off your chest and talk about it, please, please, reach out to me by using our “contact us” page or email me at email@example.com. This is a secure and confidential way to contact us and you can choose to remain anonymous.