I love to write. I typically enjoy writing about real life experiences in my own life or others. I’m happy and I want others to be happy, therefore, I like to write things that also make people laugh, smile and escape from the grind of daily life. Life is WAY too short and we must enjoy it! Okay, I said all that to say, this story is a true story that happened a couple months ago. While I didn’t think it was funny at the time, it is now. Enjoy!
A couple of months ago I was getting ready and as I opened my closet door, I almost stepped slap-dab right in the big middle of a SNAKE! Barefooted! I performed an Olympic-like move and catapulted backwards out of my closet and slammed the door. I had no idea I could move that fast! HA! I know I set a world record on the “back-jump”, if there were such a thing.
Chills just took over and the heebie-jeebies set in as I performed an Indian ritual “snake dance”. I never really thought I was scared of snakes…what a way to find out!
Now, how in the world was I going to get that snake out of my closet and out of my house? I was all by myself too; I had to tackle this monster on my own. So, what does a scared-to-death person do? Most people probably would have got a shovel, or fire-place poker or gun (yes, I live in Texas, a gun) and took care of it. Nope, not me, I called my daughter. As if she could help me over the phone.
After a few screams and shrieks with her, I decided to open the closet door again and try and sic my dogs on it! Yep, that was a brilliant idea! I have mean, big, protective dogs and they would get it. I was willing to try anything. They just looked at me like I had lost my mind.
As I opened the door, to my horror and amazement, the snake was GONE!!! Aaaahhhh!! Where in the world did that four feet long, at least three inches in diameter snake go? Now he is in my house SOME WHERE!
Okay, by now my nerves are rattled and my blood pressure it up and I have to calm down. So, I convinced myself that the snake was scared to death of my dogs and found a way to get back outside and all is good. Whew.
A week or two goes by and I have completely forgotten about that snake. Finally, there is peace in the household again. As I pulled back the shower curtain getting ready to get in, I thought I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, but really did not pay any attention to it, just thought it was a piece of the shower curtain my kitten had ripped off.
I have my back to the nozzle and noticed again something out of the corner of my eye. Good gosh, I’m going to have to shut my bathroom door to keep that kitten out of here to keep my shower curtain in tack. As I turned around this time to really look at that piece of plastic or fabric that kept catching my eye and bugging me, I saw that snake squiggling under the edge of the curtain headed right towards me!!
I was too scared to scream for the fact that I thought he would jump at me and attack me or something and could not bare to have a heart attack while I was buck naked!! My mind was rushing a mile a minute as I quickly and quietly stepped out of the tub (actually fell out of the tub and busted my hiney) grabbed my towel and ran to our bedroom where my husband was sound asleep.
As I flew open the bedroom door, standing there drenching wet, I leaned over to my husbands face and said, “Baby, I found the snake! He is in the tub!!” You can imagine the look I got from him being awoken from a deep sleep and especially hearing the news I was broadcasting to him. It really was quite comical later after I thought about it…he is totally scared of snakes.
He jumps out of bed and goes running to the bathroom to see for himself, (like I would make something up like this!). He then goes running back to our bedroom to grab the equalizer he was going to kill this snake with! Now you have to know my husband, he is deathly afraid of snakes more than anyone I have ever seen! So what do you think he grabbed to kill this monster? I’m sure you guessed it…a golf club!
Now, how in the heck was he going to kill that monster with a golf club? I’m getting ready to tell you. He goes back to the bathroom and stretches out as far as he can with the golf club and begins beating the snake. You can just imagine, bang, bang, bang in the tub several times. Several bangs later, he scoops up the snake with the fire place shovel and the golf club and takes him outside and goes across the street and dumps him into the pasture. Whew, finally good riddance! Oh, and by the way, there was no way I was getting back into that shower. I stood outside the shower and tried to finish my bath. That alone was a site to see.
Finally, snake gone! Not quite!
Stay tuned for Part 2